I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
