btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The uberlube is also flammable
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
