can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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