My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
