Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
