Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
