I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
