Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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