i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she peed on how many people?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
