How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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