If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
