I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
