How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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