Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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