You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
