Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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