So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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