i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
