I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
