it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
