That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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