yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
