So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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