Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
