I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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