I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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