dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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