Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
