Swine flu. Run for my life!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
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