i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need to calm my uterus...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
