Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
