the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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