I wanna passion pit in your ass
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
