I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
