Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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