Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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