So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
