They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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