last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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