Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
