it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
