why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Randomize
