I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
