I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
