Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
