Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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