Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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