There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my being single is dangerous.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
