I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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