The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
