Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
