After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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